The Things of Living

Toothpaste, papers, laundry, oil changes, Con Ed notices, buying socks, sweeping floors, paying bills, setting alarm clocks, tying shoes, updating a drivers license, reading food labels, getting shots, millions of advertisements burned across your vision. These are the “things” of life. They eat patience and energy and attention. They are eternal in a lifetime. They are largely meaningless. Menial, mundane tasks and items that get in the way of living, that are life itself.

“I never thought this would be past,” has come to mind times too numerous to mention, while listening to a song (today it was Pavement’s “Shoot the Singer,” which, when we heard it, felt so far ahead of yesterday that no today could catch up, much less pass that moment) or re-being in a certain state of existence newly discovered to be temporary (sitting on a sofa on Madison Street watching my cat Danny – or Dani, gender ending felion/ess s/he/he/she was – jump sky high with no forewarning while summer turned old outside comes to me now). This is just only another thing: the time spent comprehending time, which I have heretofore resisted as just a human construct, granted unjustified weight and reverence and attention. The reality of no longer being (other than via vicarious memory building) in a given moment, however, and being whisked through moments piled on as years, has become increasingly undeniable to me. But, time, too is just another thing. Other than astounding us with its sphinx mysteries, turn this rubix cube around and there is no breathing shining gem of life pending revelation in any of its sides or contortions. It is a distraction and tool not much different or more or less useful than toothpaste or socks.

So what is there? A walk in the rain at 7:00 when the streets are largely empty, and faith in the shuffle function of technology pays off, and each word was written, specific and painstaked like veins on the backsides of leaves. This, and spurts of joy in appreciating another being, animal plant or human. The understanding of what effort it takes to plate a little kindness, and the wild flush rush feeling of being a guest at the table.

Here’s to you, and your kindnesses.

And here’s to my iPod, that always knows what to play. On my quick jaunt out to drop off dry cleaning and pick up a bottle of white for dinner, tonight’s set went something like this, while the rain danced in harmony above me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Glct69M9bXA

Sorry to lose Donna Summer this week.  She was a regular voice in my house growing up.

http://ericawheeler.com/index.php?page=songs&category=From_That_Far_-oparen-MP3_format_only-cparen-&display=109

Nice of Erica Wheeler to visit me through the headphones tonight.  When I was a law student in Madison, she stayed at my place when she went through touring.  She asked me later what the big books were for.  It only occurred to me then I’d never mentioned I was not a full time music junkie but also did some other stuff, like study, on the side.  I didn’t know what she was up to now but I’m glad this post brought me to it.  Check out her site.  I like the idea – reconnecting to place.

The only real downside to iPod on shuffle mode is that if you witness something like I did tonight — where the songs perfectly align with your mind and, even more, jump in the dialogue with swift and deft precision — and you want to save it to recount the unparalleled synchronicity of your thoughts with the so called random selections, be careful which way you spin the touch pad.  I tried to just pause it but the songs disappeared, shuffled back into the 7,000+ songs on rotation.  The last song I was going to share with you was a Bob Dylan one that I don’t hear often.  From the sound of it, I figured it was on Love & Theft or Modern Times.  I’ve been through both and haven’t been able to find for certain the song I was hearing earlier.  I am thinking now it just may be that you never can hear a song again the same way.  Either way, every song on Modern Times (esp. Spirit onAnd now I’ve just learned today is his birthday. Happy birthday, Mr. Dylan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GFMaSyEIvg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVjqXXCQx3g  (I’m particularly fond of this one and the articulation of sounds/words in the foreign tongue)

http://www.wat.tv/video/bob-dylan-charlie-chaplin-kejx_2gsa7_.html (this is my favorite — Bob Dylan singing, Charlie Chaplin playing)

Intraterrestrial E-Flights of Fancy

Our bare life
unadorned with
weekend trips, graduations
and ceremony

existing only in
the Communication
that is its existence.

It is uncluttered, ethereal,
concrete, surreal,

and free.

Pedestrian Details

On my way to get coffee this morning, I came across these things.

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A man spotted me taking a picture of the drawings. He asked me, “Did you make those?” “No, it’s to show my daughter,” I lied. I didn’t bother trying to explain you.

Capping off the Day

Perfect dinner for a rainy day. Chicken soup made with Murray’s chicken (I swear by it), an abundance of carrots, celery, onions, garlic, whole salt, fresh ground pepper, lots and lots of spices (including a touch of cayenne for kick), alongside just out of the oven quick bread. Monday’s are rarely happy but here’s to trying!

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Three Dog Night, Minus Dog

On the front stoop where normally are perched three distinctive, unusually peaceful and wise-looking dogs, there were, tonight, three cats each in the dog’s usual respective places. They watched as I passed by, taking my own pet for a midnight stroll. The cats’ eyes darted hither and fro, following me like peepers behind bad paintings in a bad movie. They looked like they’d been caught, but didn’t dare to move and doing what I don’t know. Other than stirring in place, however, they barely moved. They shifted just a little, waiting to see if I might do something unusual. They waited for the unexpected. To my surprise, my dog ignored them, and I wonder if he saw them.

It was so odd, how they stood in the usual place of the very striking but quiet dogs. These three dogs are so striking, in fact, that when I met my neighbors recently who are moving, and we tried to place each other, and wondered as a matter of conversation if in fact we passed each other many times in the last decade (though it was apparent no flicker of recognition sparked from either side). I started to mention walking my dog — maybe i had seen them then.

“Do you know the three dogs,” they asked. When they asked it, “know” was kind of long and drawn out, like there was the question. No, I explained I only have one dog. I started to tell of the other dog I had till he died a couple of years ago and how he was truly amazing, but I realized that was outside the gates of this conversation. So instead, “I know them but they’re not mine,” which opened the path for us to gush over the strange qualities of the beautiful dogs and let drop like a feather to the floor the fact that, now it was certain, in more than ten years, we never even nodded to each other, let alone said hello. But we both knew the dogs that lived between their house and mine, and satisfied ourselves with the shared appreciation of them. Sometimes it doesn’t take much to be a neighbor. As we showed each other that day, talking amidst the cast-offs of their lives on our block, it is never too late.

We did not mention the dogs’ owner’s name. I think they did not know it. I would need a moment to remember it. But it was enough that we knew the dogs. It solidified things.

There is another name that has been on my mind recently. It is the name of a flower, shared with a lady down the street. She has a singular style. Long white-blonde hair, white-blonde and gray all over, long hair in two loose ponytails hanging down each side of her, topped with a gardener’s hat marked by a big floppy pinned-on flower. Big boxy running shoes that make her ankles look even smaller and fragile than they already are, with socks pulled all the way up almost to her knees. Her skirt never reaches that far, and her knobby knees jut out, leaning into the conversation. I started talking to her, finally, a year or so ago. She was unusually striking and bright, brimming with eagerness and compassion. Although I had to strain to understand the words beneath her accent, I learned she was from Eastern Europe, where she’d seen hard things. Her bright eyes would never belie it. I wish now I could remember more of what she told me. I wish now I had written it down. Where I think she lived does not look the same anymore. Eventually, maybe later this summer, I’ll start asking around whether anyone has seen her. For now, I like to imagine that she went back home, as she seemed to always hold some longing for it. I’m not ready to be told otherwise.

The moving neighbors gave me a type of ginger plant. I tried to plant ginger in the front last year after a weekend trip to Saratoga Springs, which was marked by my own sudden decision to grow heirloom tomatoes, and my partner’s patience with me as we trekked back to the city with tomato plants in tow. We set them on the window ledge of the hotel we stopped in when we were too tired to plow all the way through to Brooklyn. We made special trips for them when it was obvious my bags would tumble, I would tumble, or the tomatoes would tumble. I remember looking out the window at the parking lot, and seeing the little baby tomato plants resting on the curb, waiting for the rest of the family and all the various family stuffs to pack in the car. We gave the tomatoes a lot of love that weekend. They spent the rest of the summer giving it back.

When I passed the main corner tonight, I saw two trucks near the subway entrance. On the side of the small trucks were the words “Mobile Wash Unit.” On my way toward that corner, I passed several groups of people. Everyone happy, some families, some young people. Out and about on a late April Saturday night. I turned around and headed back a few blocks into the other side of the main corner. It felt cold and odd over there. It was now past midnight, and people looked at me like I was a stranger intruding. People were coming home from bars. One man left a house quickly and quietly, walked half a block then turned around and walked the other way, passing in front of the house he left and darting glances across the street toward me. On the second story of the house he left, a man stood on the porch, waiting outside the door. He looked like he didn’t want to be seen. And so, I guess, I didn’t want to see him. At one point in one of my many careers, I interviewed cops. They talked about “perp fever,” which is the feeling you come to get, like a sixth sense, after being on the beat for a long time. I don’t think I would like to be a cop because I sometimes get that feeling, and usually do not want to know if it’s justified and why.

I crossed the main corner and headed back home. The second floor apartment that often has a person or two smoking on the porch outside, while music is unable to be contained and flows out onto the street, was having its usual Saturday night soiree. It’s Saturday night, and the block seemed to be saying it was okay. The porch light of the moving neighbors was on. So was mine. Even though I’m not crazy about the flourescent light it’s shining, it was on for a young man from my hometown who lost his life in our war. Porch lights were left on until his remains’ return. Lights lit from Orfordville, Wisconsin to all over the globe, from neighbors lighting the way for his return, stayed on till he came home recently. He’s home now, and the neighbors, I believe, are closer than ever, having shared some pain and ritual, loss, compassion, and absurdity.

Strange that the moving neighbors did not have a dog of their own but would select the neighbor between’s dog as a point of reference. Those striking dogs, come to think of it, have more the demeanor of cats than dogs. They don’t interest themselves much in the passersby. They just sit back and watch them, like it’s a mobile museum of paintings passing before them. Sitting in the quiet company of themselves. Lucky dogs.

Practicing What You Preach

Here is the packaging in which my “free” gifts arrived in from The Sierra Club…

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And from the Nature Conservancy…

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They both look like plastic bags to me (even though one is green – doesn’t the coloring make it eco-worse?). The SierraClub’s not only looks like plastic but smells distinctly of harshy chemicals. Walks like a duck, stinks like a duck, no?

Anyone got any leads on whether these orgs are walking *and* talking the walk and the talk?